so this happened last night and i’m still spiraling so bear with me

basically, I'm 15, my family was going to the local fair thing that happens like once a year, they asked if i wanted to come but i said no cuz i had “homework” (i did NOT have homework bro i just wanted to stay home and do what needed to be done if u know what i mean )

so they leave, house is empty, i get comfy. lights off. headphones on. tabs open. i had my lil playlist goin and everything was set. it was some realll specific femboy stuff too like not just regular videos i was 12 pages deep in twitter threads w/ captions like “don’t scroll if you have school tmrw ”

anyways i was DEEP into it like deep in the trenches brain fully goo. i think i had been at it for like an hour? maybe more? no clue. time stopped existing. i was whispering sh*t under my breath too like “yes please” and “good boy” (IK I KNOW DONT EVEN SAY IT BRO I’M AWARE)

and i had like some moan audios playing in the back too synced up with my d*ldo . literally the most feral session i’ve ever had BUT APPARENTLY my parents came back early. i don’t even know why. i still haven’t asked. but i had my noise canceling headphones on so i didn’t hear the door. didn’t hear them walk in. didn’t hear my dad coming up the stairs.

i only noticed when the door OPENED


and i swear on my life it was like time froze

i yanked my blanket over myself and alt+tabbed SO fast i almost sprained my wrist. but i still had one airpod in and the moans were still playing my screen had like 12 tabs open. you could SEE one of them was just a full-on femboy cosplay thread with a vid that was 100% still moving in the corner. and my dad just stood there. stared at the screen. then at me. then just backed out slowly like he walked in on a crime scene

i heard my mom downstairs go “was he watching… a boy?” and then silence. complete silence. the kind of silence that makes you reevaluate your entire bloodline i didn’t leave my room for the rest of the night. i just laid there face down. couldn’t even finish. mood was GONE. soul was GONE this morning my mom asked if i “needed to talk” and i just said “nope.” my dad still hasn’t said anything. not even a cough. like bro didn’t even tell the dog good morning

i don’t know what they saw. i don’t know if they think i’m gay or possessed or both. all i know is i need to fake my death and move to another country

Vaporeon was NEVER compatible for breeding with humans at all!

Firstly, they are not even in the Human-Like egg group, and most of them are male anyway. Since the 4chan post warped the facts about Vaporeon's biology, I will now clarify this matter. Hydration only works in the rain, and Water Absorb, which has a more dangerous ability that I'll elaborate more on soon, doesn't mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you pull out. I know this because I cleaned sperm bank toilets long ago. Their eel-like skin makes it impossible to grope them too.

Also, what the 4chan post failed to mention is that Vaporeon can control water telepathically, meaning it can create Kyogre-like tsunamis at will, and, thanks to moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, and Hyper Beam, Vaporeon has many more ways to unalive you. It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don't explore that "deep sea cave" for "treasure." Vaporeon can also force the very same water it can control to enter a person's orifice until they explode, as well as being able to enter any human orifice, just like the candiru fish, with it eventually reaching any vital organs in the human body and ensuring those organs rupture thanks to its water-based biology. This allows the Vaporeon to exit the newly created corpse easily.

Now here is the ghastly truth about Water Absorb: since humans are 65% water, if a Vaporeon was inside a human body, it could absorb the water until the human was nothing more than a withered corpse. Oh, and here's a fun fact: if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your wiener would instantly explode. As for the moves that Vaporeon can use to make itself horny, the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon's kin can learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon (who has more results on Rule 34 and e621 than Vaporeon) having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won't even change that.